no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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