Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
