His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
