I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
