so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize