4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
