My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
