You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize