Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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