apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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