After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
