grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
too bad you live with your parents still
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
