can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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