please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
