Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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