Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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