Swine flu. Run for my life!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't deserve a penis
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize