Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize