Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
