I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
