dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
