You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize