just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
