Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
