Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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