just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
