New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
