Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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