I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
