Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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