Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
