My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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