My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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