She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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