god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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