On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
