My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
