Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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