Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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