how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
