Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
