This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize