you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
