A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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