Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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