Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
