So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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