Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
