He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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