i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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