what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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