You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
