I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
