My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just found puke in my bra..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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