A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
