I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
