I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
