The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I would fuck him just for his dog
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
