Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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