you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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