It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
