At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
