When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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