She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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