apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
